Another “fork in the road” soliloquy, by yours truly.

This blog post is about three months overdue, but once you read it, you’ll understand why it’s taken me so long to write. Between a backlog of book reviews and the minor adjustments that come with UPROOTING YOUR ENTIRE EXISTANCE, you’ll forgive the lapse in posts. 

Everyone loves a recap, right? So, let’s recap:

JANUARY, 2019 – 

• Quit the job that I’d been at for the last 7.5 years (last 3 in LA)
• Packed it all up and drove from LA to Chicago in less than 5 days

FEBRUARY, 2019 –

• Celebrated my birthday with my parents for the first time in three years
• Moved in with said parents for what I was hoping was going to be a brief respite before figuring out what to do next in life
• Contemplated moving to Nashville for a hot second, decided Chicago was where Music Man and I wanted to put down some roots, as they say
• Was finally feeling like I could take a breath without much effort for once and wasn’t freaking out like I normally did
• Found out my dog had inoperable cancer in four different organs
• Freaked the fuck out

MARCH, 2019 –

• Had to say goodbye to my first pup and love, Ollie McGee. Reflected a lot about how he had been with me during my most volatile stage of life so far (age 26-38) and how much it sucks to lose a pet. Will write another blog post on that later
• Had many lunches with old friends and colleagues that made me very aware of how everyone is fighting battles, and we’re all just trying to figure out this thing called life – and how awesome it is to have those friends that feel like no time has passed at all
• Got a library card and a gym membership for the first time in ages. Guess which one gets used more often?

APRIL, 2019 – 

• Try to get my head out of the fog of Ollie’s passing long enough to start applying for jobs. Freak out at the prospect of trying to figure out WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE. 
• A freak snowstorm in the middle of April puts me on a downward spiral of “why did I leave sunny California for freak snowstorms in April” which will lead to a future entertaining blog post. 

And so here we are. Mid-April. I write from the library that has become my second home. It’s a place that I can focus and get some work done in the process, as long as there isn’t a guy behind me clipping his fingernails (yes, that is based in fact people). I still have no clue what I want my next chapter to be, but we all knew that was bound to happen. Having so many options to do whatever I want – woe is me.  I’ve been applying for things that sound interesting, which is the complete opposite of what I had done in the past. I left LA because I never felt home there (along with a host of other reasons), and for the first time in a long while, I have some time to choose what I get to do next.  How fucking lucky am I? (please remind me of this statement when I fall down the rabbit hole of discontent). I feel the pull of writing beaconing me again, and I’ve actually had the time to listen to it. I’m also finding out that this is a freaking journey and trying to control and make things happen on my timetable makes the universe laugh and become passive aggressive in its attempt to teach me to slow my roll.

The last three months in Chicago have been challenging, heartbreaking and anxiety-filled, but they have also been comforting, brimming with possibility, and most importantly, all mine.

This was a huge leap of faith on Music Man and my part – a huge unknown cannonball into a world of unfamiliar and perpetual limbo, which any reader will know, is a word I loathe with all my being. I may have jumped in blindly with two feet before I even knew what was happening, but isn’t that when you should jump in? Right before you talk yourself out of another adventure yet again? I had grown so complacent in LA that I barely recognized myself. So, I knew this ride would jolt me right out of my comfort zone. And boy, has it. More than I’d like to admit. But if the last three months in Chicago have taught me anything, it is this: we often are stronger than we give ourselves credit for, and it is usually when everything that you had planned goes up in flames that the journey reveals itself. 

So, here’s to the never-ending saga of change. At least it will make for some interesting blog posts….

To be continued…