I say ‘the world has gone mad’ in jest, because even yesterday, returning a pair of pants to TJMaxx’s I purchased two days before the lockdown, I still am weirded out by everyone in masks. When did we all become extras in the movie Contagion?! It is still making me uncomfortable, which we all know I loathe, and even with Illinois going into phase 4 next week, I am still weary sitting outside on the patio, eating breakfast, wondering, will I be next? That uneasiness doesn’t seem like it is going away any time soon, so with that, I share five things I have learned during this time of universal limbo:
#1: BE PRODUCTIVE OR DON’T BE – GET ANGRY OR CRY – BE SOCIAL OR BE A HERMIT –– JUST DON’T DENY YOUR FEELINGS OR YOU’RE FUCKED.
One day I am so damn productive I amaze myself. Other days I’m eating bagel bites and downing red wine, crying at a Hallmark movie. The point is, I am feeling all these feelings, no matter how uncomfortable they are. If there is something I am continually learning, it is the best life lesson to be learned is to get comfortable being uncomfortable. If you can master that, you’ve got it made. No one can tell you how you should or shouldn’t feel during this crisis/civil unrest/political uncertainty/daily bombardment of negativity. It’s up to you to deal with it, not people on Instagram or your family or your friends. Deal with it how you can, and just remember that there will be a light at the end of this what seems to be never-ending tunnel.
#2: GET OUTSIDE – AWAY FROM YOUR QUARANTINE ZONE.
I’m lucky insofar as I gave up a 2-bed/2-bath 1st floor apartment with no outdoor space in LA for a 4-bed/2-bath house near Chicago with a huge backyard. As soon as the weather turned this month, I refused to be indoors, even when it started drizzling. What I learned is that I adore sun and it really does make my moods lighter. It also helps to just walk around the block a couple times, take in the sights, put one foot in front of the other and just zen the fuck out. I still think about jumping in the car and driving to Wisconsin to take photos of abandoned barns…so I may do that one day. I miss hiking and all the outdoor things that LA afforded me more than I thought – but am grateful for the 70 degree days that Chicago is offering right now, and has allowed me to leave my weekly staring-at-wall-cave/closet office in exchange for some green grass and a moment of peace. Just stepping outside for a brief respite in the day can do wonders.
#3: FOCUS ON JUST ONE THING.
My current situation has me managing 10-20 projects at any given time during a 9-10 hour day, 5 days a week. It is no wonder that some days, I am legit just braindead, and staring out the window or at the fish tank for 30 minutes a day actually makes my brain stop spinning. I’ve learned that the more my attention is split, and the more I have to pivot at any given moment of the day, my brain get riled up, flight or fight takes hold, and I’m on alert all the time. And when I focus on just one thing, my brain doesn’t compute, it doesn’t understand why there is just one thing to do, and I’ll often find myself multi-tasking but not really completing any tasks (like the time I went into kitchen cabinets for something and the next thing I know I’m cleaning out my bedroom closets with the doors of the kitchen cabinet still opened, asking Music Man what he wants for dinner when it’s breakfast time).
It isn’t until 30 minutes into ONE thing that I’m met with a wash of relief, a waterfall of release, and my body and brain have a chance to recalibrate. Look, I know multi-tasking is a skill that many people need right now, but when you feel yourself spiraling down the hill of depression, of anxiety, or just don’t feel like you’ve gotten anything tangible accomplished, try to just focus on just one thing and see where it gets you. So far for me, whether I am a reading a new novel, getting earthy in my backyard garden, or learning to cook (?!) via HelloFresh, by focusing on just one thing, my mind is actually at rest.
#4: TALK IT OUT – VIA A FRIEND, THERAPIST, JOURNAL OR SOCIAL MEDIA*
I’m a strong component of therapy, even though currently I am without a licensed therapist. For me, talking it out, talking in circles, talking about the things that are annoying me, talking to another person, whether paid or not, works wonders for me. I like to talk endlessly about the same issues I’ve had since high school (ask my supper club – they are always telling me I’ve been like this since high school, why do I think any differently!) Talking it out gets it out of my brain – where things like to overthink and fester.
Now, talking it out might not be your thing. How about writing it out? I’ve also been a journaler since I was probably 10 and had a hello kitty journal with a fake lock on it, where I talked about a boy I liked or how unfair and uncool my parents were (love you!). Journaling for me is just another outlet to express my feelings, to the universe, to my future self, and I always talk about how it is my autobiography to my 80-year old self. There is something cathartic to putting pen to paper. The permeance of it all. For me, writing has always given me an outlet to get it out of my brain so it could stop spinning with all the thoughts that populate there. It’s a release.
There’s also social media. Now I put an asterisk* here because social media can either help, or it can hurt. When I worked in TV, I had my instagram account set to public, because I wanted followers and wanted to get my voice across. I followed anybody and everybody. I essentially wanted to be liked on Instagram (like I just wanted everyone to like me growing up). All well and good until you start comparing yourself to everyone’s Instagram account and start feeling like you’re not doing enough in your life. Fast forward to getting out of TV, having an adult “sabbatical” and realizing, these people are not my friends, and I was comparing my life to everyone’s Insta-highlight reel. I made my account private, unfollowed the people I didn’t know, and started following the people I thought would bring joy to my feed. And then little gems like these pop up, and they make me feel like I’m not alone.
So point being – cultivate your social media feeds to bring your joy, not comparison; write it out to get it out of your head; and if you are able, talk it out with someone – either professional or otherwise. I guarantee you will feel better.
#5: BREATHE
When was the last time you actually paid attention to taking your next breath? Probably not as often as you should. Reading about the effects of COVID-19 made me paranoid as fuck, but one of the symptoms – shortness of breath – scared me the most. So every day that I can, I try to take 10 minutes to acknowledge and be grateful for the fact that I can breathe. I do this either by following a guided meditation via the Calm app on my phone, or counting my breaths when I sit outside in my backyard, watching Bruce roll around, or just when I’m aimlessly staring into space. Taking the time to appreciate the fact that you can take a deep breath (and knowing there are some people who struggle with this simple act), may help you feel grateful for this moment, come what may.
Here’s the truth of the matter: being human right now is hard. There are so many unknown variables being thrown into the mix at every hour of the day. So I hope these tips help to bring some sort of solace your way. And even if they don’t, just remember – you are not alone.
Stay safe and healthy.
