I randomly woke up this morning at 5:57am to the news alert that Anthony Bourdain had taken his own life in France. He was 61.
I am always shell-shocked when I hear of suicide. I am blessed to have never had that thought cross my mind, no matter how down in the dumps or on the ledge my anxiety has taken me. But I have known plenty of people who have thought or even attempted it, and it weighs on me. I would never want someone to get to the point of seeing their life as nothing or seeing that the world would be better without them in it. We’re all fighting, we’re all struggling, you are not alone.
But even writing that statement fills me with angst. Aren’t we? All alone? At the end of the day, aren’t we responsible only for ourselves? The suicide death rate keeps going up, but we don’t like to talk about mental illness or therapy or antidepressants because we are a society of image – why would we be these negative things when we are beautiful, tan, rich and skinny? Living in Hollywood only magnifies this, so I understand where the pressure to be perfect comes from. But at the end of the day, when there’s no one around to see your perfection, how do you feel about yourself? Believe me, I am still trying to figure this out in my ripe old age of 37.
Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade appeared to have everything. Wealth. Celebrity. TV Shows. A handbag empire. Why would they take their own lives? What demons were in them that they felt the only way to survive was to not? It makes me sad to think, here are people who seem to have everything – the money, family, prestigious, likability, friends – and that somehow, that was still not enough to remain alive. And maybe here’s the lesson in all that – you may THINK you know what’s going on in a person, you may think you know everything about your partner, your family, your friends…the bottom line is you don’t. It’s a hard lesson to swallow, but one that needs to be said over and over again. At the end of the day, you need to be at peace with yourself.
I can say that therapy is awesome, that you can (and should) talk it out, that you are most definitely not alone – believe me, it’s hard to talk about the hard, uncomfortable stuff, but you’d be surprised how many people understand. Do I think if Anthony and Kate had more support and less stigma they’d still be with us? Maybe, but there’s no way to possibly know if anything would have stopped the demons within. The only solace I see in these deaths is the hope that they are finally at peace.
I realize saying “you are not alone” and then following that up with “well actually at the end of the day you are” – it’s a contradiction worth exploring. Yes, you should seek approval from within, but when life gets sticky, reach out when you need help. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, in fact, it’s a sign of strength. Therapy is amazing but asking a friend to coffee is too. Life is hard. Share the burden. Everyone just wants to know that they are heard and that they are not alone. Sending great big bear hugs to everyone out there.
If you or someone you know needs help, please call the National Suicide Prevention hotline at 1-800-273-8255.
