There is so much nostalgia that pumps through my musical theatre veins when I hear the words ‘Jonathan Larson’ or ‘Rent’ or ‘Stephen Sondheim’. The magnitude of it all, of a life, of my past life, and how it still affects me to this day always astounds me. All you have to say is ‘La vie Boheme’ and I am right back there, age 16, at the Nederlander Theatre in NYC, watching the original cast of Rent as they wailed through this breakthrough music that reached down into my adolescent soul and ripped it to shreds. Just thinking about it gives me goosebumps, and someday soon, I will still rock that 525,600 wrist tattoo. 

It’s hard to explain to someone who doesn’t know musical theatre who Jonathan Larson was. Describing tick, tick… BOOM! to someone outside of the realm makes me feel sad. Mostly because I am trying so hard to get them to feel what I do when I say that name. It’s hard to explain the enormous pressure I put on myself to make someone else feel the way I do about musical theatre, about my past life, and how much joy it used to bring me, knowing all the players, the dances, the lights! It’s always hard to explain to someone how much sadness I feel when I watch a documentary on Jonathan Larson, a man obsessed with running out of time, only to die on opening night of his one word musical that would go on to be one of the most influential musicals of my era. 

It’s so hard to explain the Sunday scene in tick, tick… BOOM! to someone who doesn’t know Broadway. 

It’s so hard to explain the hidden Easter egg of Sondheim leaving the final voice mail on Larson’s answering machine in the final scene because even though Sondheim was played by Bradley Whitford, the actual message was recorded by Sondheim (and may have been the last recorded thing he would ever do, seeing that he passed away this weekend). 

It’s hard to share this movie musical with anyone without wanting to liken it to Rent, without wanting to A) make that person care about Rent when many people do not and B) wanting them to feel the emotion when you hear Jonathan Larson singing about running out time…at 30…knowing full well he wouldn’t make it to 35. 

It’s hard to share this movie with anyone who isn’t a musical theatre junky. 

I used to care so much more about the musical theatre community. 

I start to miss that community that I once had (or at least pretended to have) in high school, where you’d finish each other’s sentences or trade conversations for song (always in three part harmony) and just feel…alive. 

Watching tick, tick… BOOM! brought me so much light because it made me feel something that I’ve been missing for quite a while – that sense of community, of your friend family that understood you more than your blood family – would break out into song at any given time – and it just reminded me of a time where everyone seemed carefree (even though we were filled with angst) and filled with hope and dreams and heartache, and LIFE. 

And then this tribute to Sondheim today – in Times Square no less – just made me feel all the feels. I guess being a musical theatre geek really doesn’t go away – just got to find my corner of the sky…gotta find my peeps to share my passion with. Guess it’s never too late. No day but today. 

tick…tick…