I’ve been single for a while now…a little longer than I care to admit…but then again, I don’t really think about it until A) family members bring it up, B) the holiday season starts humming along or C) when I have too much time to think and not enough time to work on someone to cuddle up with during the winter months…and the fact that I have just moved to a college town does not bode well for this cynical romantic at heart…too many collegiates roaming around, the stench of puppy love ruminates in the crisp fall air. Too many couples abound, heads on shoulders, hands in hands, laugh, chirping with warmth and oozing with infectious coddle banter that only those who have been in love know…the cynical part of me vomits a little in my mouth every time I am witness to it…the romantic part of my heart painfully yearns for that time when you could literally feel heartstrings bending with undoubting, optimistic, all encompassing love.
And isn’t that what we spend our days yearning for? Going back to that time when love was this indescribable thing, but you knew when it happened to you…you literally felt your heart skip a beat when a lover said your name or took your hand without question or prompting…when love and handholding and nicknames brought tears to your eyes. Nowadays, I feel as though people are desperately trying to recapture whatever that puppy love was…and few do…responsibility of life gets in the way….where hand holding is replaced by arguments over petty life annoyances…non-endearing nicknames are now maliciously uttered to gal pals and guy friends at bars…and love? Ha! That’s replaced with complacency, the “well it’s better than being single” mantra that so many long-term relationships utter. Is it better than being single? Perhaps this describes it all:
I know, I know… once I am “married” or “living with a boy”, I will yearn for these days back, where a weekend was mine to spend, and mine alone. You see, I have come to embrace my singledom, and even though, I do know in my heart of hearts that I want a companion for life (and preferably the same one!) and I do want a family, these are the days I was meant to cherish…these are the days that I will ask for when I am knee deep in dog crap and child vomit while my companion is either working his ass off to make a good life, or being an ass….these are the days I will wish for when I am overbooked on life commitments that include ballet, hockey practices and car pooling… These are the days….where I am still allowed to roam free, off the grid, with no one but Ollie McGee to answer to. And if anything rings true, it is this: I may be single, and yes, sometimes, admittedly, that may bite, but it is nothing if not a joy to be able to do what you want, when you want it, without commitment, without fear of rebellion, with nothing but yourself in mind…to be able to be in a condo of silence if you want, or to be able to blast Maroon 5 without fear of judgement….to eat cereal for dinner if you want, or to watch tv until 2 in the morning. There is something to be said about this single life of mine. And while, yes, I will admit, holiday seasons without someone to accompany (drag) to holiday obligations sometimes brings me down, the fact that I am single shouldn’t be the end-all of my life. In fact, I think of it as a chapter in this book called life…somewhere beyond this chapter lies THE guy…but until then, I remain committed to this quote:
