The Traffic Jam Snowball Effect: (noun): when one good decision made in a traffic jam snowballs your driving from safe to yelling at the top of your lung in your air-conditioned car at the a-hole that just cut you off. See examples below:
When you are trying to turn left from a busy intersection with no left-hand turn signal, there will always be some idiot behind you in a HUGE Escalade blaring its monstrous horn at you because you decided not to turn onto incoming traffic. Then, during the next light, this Escalade idiot will proceed to drive around you into incoming traffic, but successfully turn left, while you are left with people trying to go through the yellow light to make up for the fact that they all just avoided a potentially huge traffic accident…and then when you turn left, everyone on the other side of the street trying to turn left are making faces at you.
You start getting impatient at the next traffic signal, because not only is the Evil Escalade in front of you, but you can’t see a damn thing and are starting to wonder why you haven’t moved in the last 30 seconds. You finally are able to catch a glimpse of construction workers staring at the problem: the next street light is blinking red. And why is it that construction workers who probably caused the problem in the first place are always standing around LOOKING at the problem but doing nothing about it? Ugh!
By the time the Evil Escalade has sped off into the Wrigleyville sunset, you are annoyed, seething, sweating, and not even the mind-numbing beat of the Black Eyed Peas can keep you from wanting to flick off the next person who makes a face at you. You let some other car into this hellhole they call Montrose because you are a good, nice Christian, and of course, the guy you let in is smiling at you and waving at you for being soo nice and letting him in…but he’s NOT MOVING! WTF?! Are you seriously trying to flirt with me right now, Mr. 1980 Jeep Grand Cherokee?! Ok, fine you’re cute, but do you really need to stop the traffic behind me?! EITHER MERGE INTO THE LANE OR I’M GONNA GIVE YOU MY INSURANCE NUMBER BECAUSE I AM IN NO MOOD TO DEAL WITH YOU RIGHT NOW!!!!!
You hyper-venalate. You try to close your eyes and count to ten. Except you’re driving and that would be bad. You’re almost home, you tell yourself.
Too bad when you try to turn right onto your street, an idiot biker that was born yesterday decides he has the right of way and zooms right past you as you were about to turn your steering wheel. I wonder who would’ve won that fight, you say to yourself as the voices in your head are seething with expletives.
You make it home in one piece, except for some reason, you’re feeling light-headed, sweating, and suddenly feel the urge to kick someone or something…but you settle for a glass (or 2) of wine instead.
That, my dear friends, is an example of The Traffic Jam Snowball Effect.
(some scenes may have been slightly enhanced for your dramatic pleasure…)
