Would you go to your ex’s wedding?
This is my predicament right now. I haven’t seen or spoken with my ex/best college friend since 2005…and I have no ill feeling towards him or his fiance…in fact, I am glad they are getting married because they were made for each other…they have that “story” that everyone talks about and all singles want…they were meant to be.
But that’s not really the point, is it? I am not sure I want to go for a couple reasons.
1. Have not talked/seen this person in, oh, 3 years?!
2. I kinda feel like an “invited-out-of-obligation” case, in like, oh, her, we should invite her because we used to hang out which I guess makes her my friends still…
3. Isn’t it socitial ackward to attend an ex’s wedding?
See, it’s weird. Because I am THAT girl that is friends with their exs (well, some of them anyway), and it’s not like I wanted to marry them, that is for sure. But I feel socially awkward because as much as I want to experience their union and wish them well (because I am THAT kind of person), another part of me is like, how come I can’t find that happiness right now? And then you start thinking about all your past relationships and the fact that most of your exs are now married or engaged, and it makes you feel inept, like you did something wrong, or that there is something wrong with you…and yes, I know none of this is true, I am perfectly fine, healthy, attractive, yadda yadda….but still…if all these thoughts are going to come up during my ex’s “I dos”…I don’t want to go. (of course we say this won’t happen…but really, how many women do you know who don’t contemplate their existence at a wedding?!)..
I have this re-occurring thought that if something major happened in my life that I wanted to celebrate (as in going on a national tour with my band (I don’t have a band), or maybe needing people to attend an open-mic night for support), that I would want everyone I knew there…yes, even my exs…that I wouldn’t want my exs to feel like I left them out because of malicious thinking…because that is honestly not me (again, I need to become a bitch so I stop having these contemplative thoughts…) And I would invite them because there was a time where these people (especially this latest ex) was more than an ex…he was a best friend who I used to rely on to get me through tough times…
Which brings me to another contemplative thought (isn’t this a fun post?)…if you don’t see or hear from someone who used to be your bestest friend…do you still consider them a friend? Yes, I have these, what I like to call, “facebook” friends…who are there when you need to go out for a night, but disappear just as quickly…and they are all fine and good…but what about that best friend who knew your every move who just suddenly disappears from your life, and then re-enters it like nothing has changed (even though a lot has…)…is that a friendly thing to do? Me thinks not. Certain friendships should have an expiration date, shouldn’t they?
Perhaps if I had seen my ex/best college friend in the last year, I would be eager to go and celebrate. But it seems that he has made it perfectly clear that he has not wanted anything to do with me in the past three years, so really, what is the point of this post?
I believe this is what therapist call the AHA moment…
