I got rejected from USC twice – first as a bright-eyed high school senior craving the bright lights of La-La Land, and then again as a weathered transfer student, trying desperately to seek my dream school from the opposite coast at the University of Miami. All I could think about for two years was going to USC. I lived it, breathed it, and I wanted it. 2 years later, I was accepted as a transferred theatre major, and thus my “dream” had become a reality.
I would eventually end up leaving theatre because I couldn’t justify my parents spending $40,000 a semester so I could paint sets and act out one-acts with football players who needed a fine arts credit to graduate and get drafted. I ended up with a Communications degree and a film minor. But that was hardly the point. When I got to USC, I was so excited. I had finally achieved my goal…the goal I had wanted since I was about 10. USC. Wow. I got in, I did what I said I was going to do. And now I was here. And now that I was here…what do I do now? This is the thought that plagued me. I was finally at the endgame, and now I had no idea where to go or what to pursue. I had achieved my goal, and now I was done. The only goal left to do now was to graduate, and that really didn’t take motivation…that took financial status. I had lost my drive to push myself to “the goal”…and I always wondered if I would ever have another goal in sight.
I didn’t have another goal until I left USC.
Point of story? I am at that crossroads again in my life…where I find myself attaining my goal and start to become lacks-a-daisical…unmotivated…basically a blob. A cute, content blob, but a blob nonetheless. My first “real” job (aka health benefits provided) led to my current job, which is basically the perfect job for me at the moment. Yes, all jobs are not perfect, there are times, yadda..yadda…but it combines my love for technology and creativity and actually justifies my days at USC, and I just feel great and comfortable in this current job…and therein lies the rub. I have achieved my “goal”, and now I am not motivated to do anything. I am…comfortable. I own my own place, have a dog, drive a car, and can still afford a dinner out every once in a while (depending on how much money I use on gas!!). For two years prior, I have pined for this job. I have wanted this job. And now, it is my job. And I love it. And now, six months into it, I find I am completely comfortable…and also unmotivated, with nary a goal in sight. Sure I want to lose a few pounds, and I would love to start a band, but these are not the “goals” that I pine for. I am, for once, totally content with my condo, my dog, my life…although my social life could use improvement, but who’s can’t? I have no 5-year plan, no immediate, life-altering goals…NADA.
And I feel like I should be motivated – I’m 27, unattached, I have the world at my fingertips…I feel like I should be conquering the world, falling in love, etc. etc… – but I’m not, and have no interest in doing so. I have no motivation for goals…way too much work.
I guess I need a new goal, but besides watching crappy summer TV and dance shows (SYTYCD!), I appear to be an unmotivated, but highly content gal. Which is strange. Cause I’m never content. And I’m always trying to figure out what to do next. But suddenly, I feel like doing nothing….its not like I am putting my life on hold…I just have no immediate goals. And in this world of immediacy and our rushed society, and the fact that when I was 10 I wanted to be 18 and was in such a rush to grow up, have I finally learned to take a breath?
So the question remains: can an unmotivated existence be the answer to a good life?
