“Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth.” –Disraeli
It’s a very strange place to be. In-between. Pseudo. Do I know what I want? No. But I know I don’t want to be the “in-between” girl. I deserve better than that. Why shouldn’t I want someone to love me unconditionally? Perhaps this is someones way of telling me that I have become to clingy & I need to be independent again. Maybe I am becoming too depended on people making me feel better when I should be able to be dependent on myself.
That’s the point. I rely too heavily on other people’s feedback of myself, when I should just be able to deal with myself. Maybe his problem of commitment now shouldn’t be taken personally, and should be looked at as a good thing-I can discover who I want and what I want while having unconditional love from a dear friend. I have had so many memories in such a short amount of time, I have smiled more with him than I have in a long time, that something tells me that no matter what happens, I will have a great, might I say best (?) friend forever. And maybe I am jealous that 2 of my friends are moving in with their boyfriends, another engaged, another on the verge of a title, while I am still trying to figure out what I want in life. And again, why am I comparing my life with another’s? Why should anything matter except what I think and feel? Why do I tend to dismiss my thoughts and feelings for other’s opinions on my thoughts or feelings? Perhaps this is me figuring out who I am…on my own terms.
Life of a twentysomething is a life of self-analysis and pondering 🙂
