No one’s here for me, I hear nothing but my own tears falling. No one’s missing me, not even for a moment. No one’s wondering what I am doing right now. No one’s listening to my self-distructive thoughts in my head.
I feel empty and cold. I feel old. I havent felt alive since he left. And I long for that feeling again. I feel lost. Confused. Future unknown. Life path unknown. I sit in limbo, waiting, for something wonderful to happen, even though I know it wont.
Why am I so negative? Why have I lost hope? Everyone’s got someone else to cope. Where’s mine? Where’s my teddy bear to squeeze, and tell me all will be alright? Where is the joy that once shown in my eyes?
I feel so defeated, although I dont know why. I have no idea where to turn, because I can’t see anyone’s eyes. I sit and look at my lonely state, and all I can do is whine and hate. For I know it’s my fault for not going out. But when I feel like this, who would want to talk to me? I feel so alone in this lonely town now buzzing with life and college tunes. I cant help but feel, “Have I lost out?” But I know in my heart, I’ve checked out.
So now all I can do is wait, cause I cant afford to pass the time at will. A plane to another place I would kill for. But alas, my luck has never been that great. For although I stay here until a forced date, this limbo of waiting is now my fate.
Until someone can entertain my world, I sit trapped, lonely, and waiting for my wrath to be unfurled. For I feel a change coming, but it’s not fast enough. I definitly know one thing though…I have had enough.
Some say the last few weeks should be the ones to cherish, but I just feel I want to get this over with. For its been five years in the making, and it’s time to say goodbye, to this, my overextended book of college life. And although there were more tears than most, there will be tears of happiness when I will be able to boast, about the time I spent in TinsleTown, and hopefully, returning home, will remove this permanent frown.
For I’ve not been happy for quite some time, here and there, but never sublime. The English made me smile, but that was it, I dont think I am cut out to survive this Hollywood shit. I am threw with this town and its people galore. I am sick of being lonely and called “a bore”.
I know who I am when I am not around this place, and frankly, the me here has been a disgrace. For how can I be me when I cant even smile? I left her somewhere on the Magnificant Mile. I miss a skyline, I miss the non-smogged sun, I miss not having to prove myself when the day is done. I cant even remember when I felt at peace, with people, with my life, but especially with me. I’m sick of feeling like I dont belong, and I keep on wondering, “Did I choose wrong?”
For now I know LA is not for me, but how do I survive these next weeks of hell without screaming? Can someone answer that for me ?
